Due To Boredom

Today boredom seems to be an epidemic among Americas youth for sure. Partly because their lives are mostly laid out for them and they are confined to their parents households. Boredom has become a much more serious mental affliction since the age of automation. Boredom seems to be a by product of this time in history as we learn to live with technology.

The word boredom typically depicts a listless state of malaise, a desire for desires and a lack of purpose in life. A disconnect with one’s true self, combined with frustration, disgust and confinement being some of it’s subsets. My favorite description of boredom is best described as the fear of the self. Well, then what are we afraid of? Are we afraid of the disappointment when another attempt at engagement with life has left us still dissatisfied with ourselves?

I think partly it is like a boy on the diving board. He knows he’s afraid to jump but he has spent so much time out there while everyone has been screaming at him, he has to do at least one belly flop.

I haven’t spent much time being bored in my life. I did observe that when boredom overtook me, I was ready for a change, to say the least. Maybe not fully conscious of a need to make changes, I still knew that a change was needed. Subliminally I deliberately remained in boredom. When I had inflicted enough emotional pain to my psyche, when suffering was all that I was doing, I got going. It’s true, no one moves until they are in enough pain. Those self-inflicted sessions, whether they were fully cognitive or not, insured that I was fed up with my state of being bored. After all, what is more torturous than boredom going into another bout, knowing this bout will be as painful as the last?

I guess I can say that being bored in itself is an emotion that is once again on my side. Boredom alerted me to an unmet psychological need. It was relentless in it’s vigilant warning that I had lost touch with who I was. Maybe I thought I knew who I was and I had just wander off for a while. I did enjoy a few positive aspects due to boredom. Being lost in my daze of disinterest, my mind could go off into free association. Maybe a much needed transformative experience awaited me, as it does many great artists, scientists and authors that have spent hours caught up in none accomplishment. Gazing out the window in a non observant stare was my meditation. The fly on the wall was of some interest, but not really. I would return to my comfortable pose and hours later just feel guilty for not doing the minor tasks in front of me.

What is it that calls to me? I hear the ice maker, the heater, the neighbors dog, but still the silence is deafening. All testimonies that life is going on and I’m not in it, just reminds me that I will return from my diversion. I will care again. The good news, although most dauntingly, I can claim that due to boredom, I have come face to face with my self once again.

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